Nov. 22, 2006

Lake Superior State senior defenseman Barnabas Birkeland has written a first-hand account of his growth from being a talented, but spiritually lost young athlete who nearly lost his opportunity to play college hockey to a young man who has made the most of his second chance. Birkeland is a different person and player than he was when he arrived at LSSU in 2002. Today, he is the only senior defensemen helping the Lakers maintain their traditionally respectable goals-against total, and he is so respected by his teammates and coaches that he is wearing the "C" in 2006-07.

Second Chances
By Barnabas Birkeland

My most vivid memory from my sophomore year is outside the Lake Superior State University men's hockey locker room, and Jeff Jakaitis telling me, with tears in his eyes, how sorry he was, and how he should have done something. I hugged him and told him there was nothing he could've done. I was the one being kicked off the team, and I was the one who was responsible.

It was mid November. I should have been traveling with the team, but instead, I was off the team and going home for Thanksgiving. I had lost everything I had worked for and cared most about: my team, my reputation, my pride, and I had let every person I knew down. I was defeated, and I was broken.

Officially, I was terminated from the team on Wednesday, the day that I was going home, but it was two days prior, on Monday night, that I first knew I was in trouble, and would most likely be off the team. I remember the fear, the tears, the shame, the embarrassment and the humiliation. I had failed, and I had failed very publicly. I called my father that night and told him all that had happened, and then I called my grandfather. My grandfather started by telling me that he thought that if I did something wrong, I should be punished for it. Then he told me something that gave me tremendous hope. He said that in his own experience, the worst thing that ever happens to a person often is the best thing that ever happens to them. He told me that fear is what forces us to change. It's been almost exactly two years since that night, and I feel like everyday I have is a testament to those words. I was absolutely lost, broken, terrified, stripped of everything I had, and I count that moment as the single most-important one in my life.

Barnabas Birkeland

I was off the team for a little over a month when I was reinstated just before Christmas. Of the things I'm most grateful to Frank Anzalone for, giving me that second chance is preeminent. I don't understand how it was that he believed in me at that point in my life and was willing to give me the chance that he did. I wish he could see how much he impacted my life. I don't know that I can ever repay that debt, or even have the opportunity to try, but I know that he would take much pride, and get much satisfaction in knowing that he had such an impact on my life.

My play at the rink my sophomore year didn't undergo much of a transformation once I was back on the team. I played poorly, and was injured a great deal. I think I was at a point where I had to figure out a lot of personal things before I could just focus on my game. That summer we underwent a coaching change, with Jim Roque taking over as our new head coach. I was conflicted about losing Coach A, about being loyal to him after all he had done for me. I remember him reassuring me and telling me to go to school, get my degree, and play hockey.

But that would prove to be more difficult than I anticipated. Coach Roque had been an assistant coach my first two years at Lake Superior, and he had had perhaps a closer look at some of the things I had done and been through. He had good reason to question my integrity and character. Again, I found myself on unsure footing, not knowing whether Coach Roque would give me yet another chance or not.

He did. He took a chance, and I thank him for that. I also have to thank my teammates, many of whom vouched for my character and probably saved my spot here at Lake Superior State. There are many other people who have helped me tremendously, and although I won't name them, I thank them. I have received many blessings over the last two years; perhaps the greatest being that I was given a chance to change, and to be a part of my team, and this university.

Two years ago it was fear that triggered the start of a change in me. It was the fear of who I was and what I was becoming which made me search for something else. I had tried it on my own, and I had made a huge mess of it. My life was a disaster, completely unmanageable. I was raised in a Christian home, but it wasn't until I realized that I was lost, that I began to pursue God. By that I mean trying to let go of myself and surrender control to Him. I realized that I was miserable by the decisions I had made on my own, and that I didn't actually know what things would lead to real happiness. God, I believe, knows what we're about, knows what will make us happy. Although it may be difficult at times to sacrifice some things in order to live how I think God wants me to, it's with a fundamental understanding that it is the only way to the full life I desire: a life of happiness, joy, and freedom.